Look Back

Finally a new post right after Full Troop Ex (didn't think my hand could see me to the end...). Honestly wasn't as physical as initially thought due to loads of rest time, but staying outfield overtime not doing anything is pure mental torture.

Seating on the A-veh hull, basking under the 12pm sun, unable to fall asleep due to some big shots with first-class persistance constantly annoying us, I can't help but space out back to those days in school, wishing to turn back time, return to those kind old days where we used to talk cock at our fav hang-out, mug hard when exam's near, that mental load was nothing like i experienced thru this exercise. "Come on Joe! All this has passed and gone, it'over let it go and keep walking", me convincing my mind to face up to this harsh fact that we could never walk as closely as we did before, nor understand each other as well as we once did. The friendship now seems bland, we once fought so hard alongside each other for our dreams and future. Sometimes I can't help but feel that this is all in the past, with new people sharing our ambitions entering our lives,and traces of competition setting in. i guess this reduces us to acquaintances. Took me so long to see this, all part of growing up, too much wishful thinking, now all's left are the memories we shared and cherished....sigh

I looked back in my life, thought perhaps I was too stuck up, always putting a strong front and trying to act optimistic and calm, guess i'm quite bad at it. I haven't felt so tired out in a while, manipulated by politics around me and facing people who seemingly have no stand nor idea as which side they're on, sometimes i wonder, why chiong? I ever told myself to do my best in all I set out to do, but i feel so tired of all this, can I go on like this? Guess all I can take comfort that all this ends in a few months and I can look back look to my NS life, proud that i did not miss out on something in life, as though there's an unfillable hole in my heart.

On hindsight, politics is one aspect that one can never avoid when out in society. Time to grow up and muster the strength to face up to it.

This seems like the only place to voice and share my thoughts, doubt if anyone would read this but who knows, 10 years down, i may read this again and laugh at myself, or even to pick myself up again since I've ever been so down and out.

Oh well goodnight
Appreciate the past, Cherish the present, Gaze into the future